In this post I am going to explain how women are different from men and so you can get a better idea on what a woman wants from a man.
Ask the average guy to name some examples of HOW men and women are different, and usually the answer you’ll get will include at least one of the
– Women want commitment more than men
– Women want to get married and have kids and men are happy just having sex and hanging out
– Women either want ‘Nice Guys’ or ‘Jerks’ whereas guys just want good-looking women
– Women give sex to get love, men give love to get sex
Here’s the problem with this method of thinking.
When you try to limit your way of thinking about women and attraction to a set of GENERALIZATIONS and STEREOTYPES, you’re seriously limiting your chances of ever getting past the level of ‘mediocrity’ with women.
If you want to get interested in attracting some seriously excellent women into your life, you’ve got to go beyond where most men are content to stay (read: where they might get SOME success, but nothing worth writing home about) and actually get a deeper understanding of what’s going on here.
Here’s something else that could be secretly crippling your ability to attract females: an unspoken desire that WOMEN WERE MORE LIKE MEN.
Ever heard a guy say something like this about a woman: ‘Yeah, she’s really emotional. Happily, I’M NOT LIKE THAT MYSELF’?
Or, ‘Why do women always have to blow things out of context?’
A lot of guys UNCONSCIOUSLY think in these kinds of ways about women. Deep down, they wish that women were MORE LIKE MEN.
They expect that, if they get ‘good enough’ with women – or meet the ‘right woman’ – all her ehavior will start to make sense and they’ll naturally just fall ‘into sync’ with one another.
Unfortunately, this is usually code for ‘one day I’ll meet a woman who’s enough like me that we just ‘click’ and everything will be easy. Until then, I’ll settle for whatever comes along.’
These are usually the guys who are WISHING for something better, but who get tied down in ‘accidental’ relationships of convenience … and who develop a pretty serious case of the how-the-hell-did-I-end-up-
So please. Yes, it’s true that men and women are actually a lot more similar than most of us realize … we often both want the same things and even have the same thoughts …
… but there are still going to be MAJOR differences, and if you’re interested in becoming a top-notch kinda guy (read: the kind that the BEST women find irresistible), you’ve got to stop hoping that the feminine brain can ever be reverse-engineered or 100% understood by a guy.
Here’s a little cold, hard biology to prove my point … did you know that what we think of as ‘gender’ has as much to do with BIOLOGY as CULTURE?
In other words, it’s not necessarily ‘nurture’ that makes a woman girly.
Give a little girl a choice between a truck and a teddy bear, and studies show she’ll reach for the teddy bear. Translated into ‘grown-up’ speak, that means that women tend to be more interested in PEOPLE than they are in THINGS.
Now obviously, there are no ‘absolutes’ in place here, and we all know people who are varying degrees of exception to the norm. But if you can
accept the FACT that women are inherently different on a biological AND a cultural level, so much the better.
Women are different from us. Expect differences. But at the same time, if you’re trying to bury your confused little head in the soothing sand of gender stereotypes, hear me when I say that to do so is tantamount to broadcasting signals that say THIS:
‘I am just another average guy, just like all the other average guys out there! Quality women need not apply! All excellent women will be
hopelessly overqualified to date me! Mediocre women and mediocre relationships, taking applications now!’
Labeling is childish and immature. Women will know when you’re trying to soothe your confusion with mock outrage or labels. To succeed in this area,
you’ve got to get interested not in what you EXPECT, but in what IS.
Following are 10 examples of how you can improve your interactions with women RIGHT NOW.
1. Get her talking about herself.
Here’s something a lot of guys do: they start churning out this big list of good qualities and shamefully-transparent Ways That I’m Cool. Unfortunately, this behaviour pretty much screams ‘insecurity’, makes it blatantly clear that you’re trying to ‘get something to happen’, makes you seem like a guy lacking in options, and will effectively turn women OFF.
To genuinely impress a woman, you have to act with SUBTLETY. Give her the space to decide for herself that you are a ‘cool guy’, and you will ultimately arrive at that destination with a lot more assurance and style than if you’d attempted to pave your own way into her good books.
Here’s something that I’ve noticed about human nature: when it comes to ‘intangibles’ like ATTRACTION, words actually mean a lot LESS than you’d think. And in fact, TALKING about stuff can actually RUIN an atmosphere that was building.
So if you’re hanging out with a woman and all of a sudden you start asking her if she’s OK, if she’s having a good time, if she likes you, and whether she ‘sees this going anywhere’, you’re going to kill the mood as quickly as if you’d stuck a pin in a balloon.
Same goes for trying to ‘seem cool’ by talking about stuff like how great your car is, how much you got in your last raise, and how much you pay in rent for your place. She doesn’t want to hear it, and it’s just going to make it obvious that her opinion means a lot to you – which IT SHOULDN’T yet.
BUT, if you can just play it cool and allow UNSPOKEN stuff to show you how she’s feeling about you, and allow YOUR unspoken behavior to create an impression, and ACT COOL without having to talk yourself up, you’re going to seem a lot cooler than if you’d tried to ‘prove it’ by opening up your big mouth.
My suggestion is this: that you stop trying to FORCE something to HAPPEN, and focus instead on just being present with her and making sure she’s enjoying your company in a laid-back and subtle way.
Women tend to want men who make them FEEL certain ways … not men who try to logically PROVE that they ‘should be able to’ make them feel certain ways.
Let go of your need to convince her of anything. Act like a guy with value. And as a general rule, high-value guys don’t tend to over-explain things, act like they care too much about someone else’s opinion, or explain themselves overly much. They just DO things, and let other people figure out how things stand on their own.
2. Make her FEEL THINGS when she’s with you.
Women are suckers for emotion. They want to FEEL THINGS. They want to get INVOLVED. And when you are talking about ‘dry’ stuff like your job, the weather, and the dinner menu, she’s not going to be feeling ANYTHING.
Cue boredom, and a burgeoning wish on her part to end the date and go home early.
If you want to be the kind of guy that she can’t stop thinking about, you’ve got to involve her EMOTIONALLY … and then SHE will do the rest. And that doesn’t necessarily mean ‘talking about emotions’; it means being a fun, interesting guy who fills her up with all sorts of different feelings.
A good way to create emotions is to make her laugh. Be unpredictable. Talk to her about weird stuff (‘what would you do if you had a penis for a day?’) Get her to tell you about stuff that MEANS something. Don’t just sit around eating food together and ‘being polite’ – if you’re out with a woman, do something that will create excitement and adrenaline. Personally, I like to take women out to DO stuff: playing 1-on-1 basketball or
going swimming together.
3. Don’t do the whole ‘funny insults’ thing.
Guys are often rude to each other. We like it that way. We talk about farts, we belch, we cuss, and we make fun of each other.
If you want to create a sexy, flirty atmosphere, treat her like a lady (but don’t take this as an excuse to hold back on the flirting and playful funny-talk.) Focus on making her FEEL like a WOMAN, and she will respond by being upping the femininity more and more. It’s a hell of a way to create ‘an atmosphere’.
4. Learn how to talk about stuff that’s INTERESTING to women.
Start broadening your understanding of the world. Read magazines, watch TV and the news, check out blogs and news posts on the Internet. Pick up quirky facts. Get interested in pop psychology and offer to ‘read’ her personality for her.
5. Know that looks matter … but not as much as you think they do.
Women, believe it or not, are NOT as much into looks as you are.
Obviously, a toned and muscular body will help you to be more successful with women (and is hopefully something that you’re interested in getting FOR YOURSELF as a mark of self-respect), but it is NOT essential.
The thing that tends to attract females is a feeling that you are socially ‘better’ than they are. Women are very rarely attracted to guys who are further down the status line than they are, but they will often go for a man who has ‘social value’.
Most women would prefer to be with a high-status yet physically AVERAGE-looking guy than a good-looking, low-status guy.
Other signifiers of social value (i.e. SELF RESPECT) include: laid-back posture; pronounced personal style; lots of friends; interest from other women; being the centre of attention.
6. Don’t get upset if she’s upset.
Sometimes women get upset. They don’t want to also feel responsible for YOU being upset. One of the best and MOST POTENT ways to demonstrate to a woman that she’s with a powerful, in-control guy is that you DO NOT get freaked out by tears or her upsets (even if they are directed at you.)
Sometimes a woman will get upset because, on some level, she needs to know that she can trust you and that she’s ‘safe’ with you (i.e. she can rely on you to be in control.) If you can stay calm and not get fazed if she’s upset, crying, or frightened, this will increase her overall regard for you MASSIVELY. This is a powerful tool. Use it.
7. Let her get it off her chest.
Suggestion: unless she has SPECIFICALLY ASKED for your advice, resist the urge to give it to her. If she’s venting about something, put your
attention on just being with her and letting her talk. Don’t interrupt, and try not to offer solutions. Just let her talk, and empathize with her while keeping it short and sweet … so no trailing anecdotes about the time that you did X. (Stick to ‘I know how you feel.’)
8. Allow for feminine subtlety. Expect it.
A lot of women were brought up with a huge focus on being ‘polite’ (particularly the sweet ones.) Unlike a lot of guys, who are quite happy
to say exactly what they feel like doing or don’t like, many women will ‘suggest’ things and hope (silently) that you are one of the UNUSUAL MEN who can pick up on subtlety.
Try listening between the lines. For example, if a woman says, ‘Wouldn’t it be nice to do X?’ you can translate that as meaning, ‘I want to do X.’ If she says, ‘I don’t know …’, translate that as meaning, ‘No, thank you.’
If you can do this without making a big deal of it, she’s going to know that you’re one of a kind.
9. Learn how to talk with your body.
Learn to use your body to convey status and interest to a woman. Have you ever noticed that men who women find ‘attractive’ often have a very similar way of holding and moving their bodies? It usually involves 3 attributes:
– Slowness. Don’t move quickly.
– Smoothness. No jerky movements.
– Steadiness. Don’t fidget around a lot.
Holding your body in this way comes across very powerfully to women and instantly lends you more authority and power. Get some male role models from movies and real life and pinpoint what about them it is that conveys easy, powerful masculinity.
10. Spend money on your skills. If something matters to you, don’t skimp on it. If you want to figure out how to ‘get good’ with women and with LIFE, sometimes you’ll need to strategically spend some energy – in the form of cash – to get the ball rolling.
Consider what is important to you and be OK with investing in it. If a seminar or a book or a course seems to be ‘speaking’ to you, and you get that feeling that goes, ‘I think I need to know this,’ DO IT. Never stop improving your skill base – and the best way to do that is to research.
Hopefully, these tips have helped you understand better what a woman wants in a man and also given you a position of strength from which to start your improvements.
In my next post I will write about the most important secret to making a woman want you (and it’s not what you think it is!) 😀